today-personal venting post

had to blog about today...

I had a fuji apple at the park today and split open my finger pretty good. What's up with me and pamper chef gadgets? I cut myself about 98.9% of the time i touch an apple section-er. today wasn't any different. thought i could use one on the go...Nope! Locke thinks i need stitches, i think i need to rethink my approach and thinking altogehter, and see if my immunization shots are up to date those blades were rusty....

Lately A. is exerting all of her agency. Mostly in the negative. (I thought 18 months was bad.) For example, A. has friends upstairs she loves to play with. She wakes in the morning at 7 and wants to play with them. So we go up at 9:00. We knock; no answer. Knock again; no answer. I say let's try again another time.

A: NO they are home.

M: they didn't answer the door, we'll come back.

A: NO, Mom they are!

I just walk away. because i'm learning that she's really good at repeating me in the negative. I.e. A. it's hot wait a little. No, Mom it's not hot *she takes a big bite, and spits it all out* When does the apologies start from a child. I just want to hear, "You're right Mom, I'll wait until it's cool." I'm thinking it won't come until she's 20 and even then it won't be directly communicated. It's alright. The apple didn't fall far from this Mother tree. I'm sorry Mother! For it all. You were/are right on so many occassions!

Tonight was especially heart-breaking. We get home from the zoo and we left the house thrashed. Luckily we were all feed so crankiness was minimum. I tell A. that she needs to pick up her dresses and put her books in the check-jong *Korean for bookcase (she actually gave me a "huh" when i told her to put her books in the bookcase the other day. I love how she's getting Korean) When the word 'clean' came out of my mouth the sobbing started, correction, a NO came out. I escorted her to her room because the word NO reached its daily inappropriate usage. She then started to sob. I tried to reason with her on the importance of cleaning our home before bed. Locke, with a comprehension of a 3 year olds mind then told her that children who don't clean their rooms are telling their parents that they don't want their toys and thus the toys will go away. This realization was very dramatic and there was inconsolable wails and severe mourning. If I told her she could have anything at this point she still wouldn't stop crying, it made me think she was somewhere else mentally. Long story short it took a few visits by her father and favorite toys conviscated in order to get her room cleaned. It was rough for me. We were going going going today and all she wanted to do was play in her room. My first born didn't get to bed until 9:45. Hopefully she sleeps in tomorrow. Because it's now 1:52am and i've finally made some sense of the 'office'. Anyone want a queen size box spring?? I want the valuable space it's occupying right now! I think i'm slightly ocd about having things in places that maximize their use (Locke, all of the fabric will be used. Both pinkies in the air) but it isn't always functional organization *working on this* and not cleaning until all hours of the morning. I'm 29 and ready to have a house. Locke, will you buy a house with me by the time you are 35?!